Legal Village

A tourist's guide to the Green Zone

Posted 11/04/2008 by Ben Hallman

So you’re thinking of spending the weekend in the Green Zone. Here’s a handy guide to help you in your travels.

When to come: There’s never a good time to come to the Green Zone. There’s a war going on and someone will try to kill you.

How to get there: There’s no good way to get there. If you are a civilian, Royal Jordanian and Iraq Airways offer flights, starting at about $650 from Jordan. From Baghdad airport, you will probably want to hire a personal security detail, which starts at about $6,000 a day. I’m not sure how much just a round-trip ride to the Green Zone costs. You can also hire a local cab.

If you are an embedded journalist, you will fly to Kuwait, a small country in the Middle East most notable for the fact that it doesn’t allow anyone to buy beer. (If, like me, you grew up in Alabama, a state with a surprising number of dry counties, your first instinct will be to drive north to Tennessee. Don’t try this in Kuwait.) An Army team will meet you at the airport in Kuwait and drive you to the best-guarded parking lot in the world. You will spend 24 hours or more in the parking lot. You can’t buy beer here, either, though you can buy a watch or a Burger King Whopper.

You will fly “space available” from Kuwait to Baghdad International Airport. You can, and will, get bumped for someone with higher priority. (According to a journalist I met, reporters outrank Indian cooks and translators, but that’s it.) At the airport, you can try to catch a helicopter to the Green Zone. There’s a good chance you won’t, though, which means waiting until midnight or later for the “rhino” bus convoy. You will think the driver is trying to kill you because he will drive very, very fast. But he is actually trying to keep someone else from killing you.

What to see: There’s not much. Anything interesting, like the pub on the grounds of the British embassy, is hidden behind walls and barbed wire. If you try to get in without permission, someone will try to kill you. Ditto the Republican Palace, the home of the US embassy. But you’ve got a weekend, so here are a few options.

The Monument to the Unknown Soldier — the monument, which resembles the space ship from Close Encounters of the Third Kind but with a spire, was inspired by the glorification of the martyr from the Iran-Iraq war. I was told that the guards may or may not let you inside.

The Swords of al-Qadisiyyah — built to commemorate the Arab triumph over the Persians in 636AD. Until recently, a giant cone of Iranian army helmets spilled out on to the street and then across the street, forming the world’s most macabre speed bump. But then the Shiite-dominated Iraqi government decided that the swords might be offensive and ordered them destroyed. Locals carried off most of the helmets and one section of the statue closest to the Green Zone was dismantled before the US Government intervened, suggesting the statue has some historical value.

CIPC — the press centre. Built under the parking garage next to the convention center. After the invasion, the Brits set up shop there and were derided for choosing such a gloomy place to live. Once the mortar and rocket attacks began, the British looked a bit smarter. You can’t buy or bring beer here, though there is an endless supply of Gatorade.

The al-Rashid — the only hotel in the Green Zone. It claims to be a five-star hotel. I claim to be the sole heir to the throne of Belgium. A good place to meet actual Iraqis, however, since it is next to an entrance to the Green Zone. No beer.

The PX — Don’t try to bring a bag or backpack in here or someone will try to kill you. A sampling of the wares from a recent visit: charcoal grills, Cheez-Its and cigarettes. No shampoo. You can’t buy beer here.

How to get around: You will need a badge to get almost anywhere. Different badges get you in to different places. You will probably not have the badge necessary to get where you want to go.

Dining: If you have a press badge, there’s free grub in the Army dining facility. This is a slightly better option than starving. Someone told me there are restaurants. I think that was a lie.

Entertainment: very limited. For best results, be sure to pack season two of HBO’s The Wire. I borrowed my copy from Quinn Emanuel associate Pat Curran. (Hey, Pat, I borrowed your DVDs.) If you are an American Lawyer reporter, don’t expect your company-issued laptop to play DVDs.

There is, however, a big-screen TV in the press center. Unfortunately, someone else might be watching it. Someone like an Iraqi journalist, say, who doesn’t speak English but is watching a movie called Dedication with the sound turned off. If this happens, you might try blogging instead.

Happy Friday.